Marriage is a Private Affair
by Chinua Achebe
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In this story by Nigeria's greatest writer, the young Ibo man Nnaemeka, living in cosmopolitan Lagos, is deeply in love with Nene Atang, a teacher from Calabar. His traditional father Okeke has already chosen a local Ibo girl, Ugoye Nweke, and believes marriage is a family and tribal affair, not a private one. When Nnaemeka breaks the news under the Cassia tree, Okeke is furious that Nene is neither Ibo nor a suitable Christian wife, quoting St. Paul that 'no Christian woman should teach', and vows 'I shall never see her'. He cuts off all communication for eight years, even mutilating their wedding photograph by cutting out Nene's face. But the story shows the softening power of grandchildren: Nene writes that their two little sons long to meet their grandfather, and Okeke's iron pride finally crumbles. As a dark storm gathers, he imagines his grandsons shut out in the cold rain, and is filled with deep remorse and fear that he might die before making peace.
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Chinua Achebe (1930–2013), Nigeria's greatest writer and author of Things Fall Apart, sets this story in the cosmopolitan city of Lagos. It explores the clash between modern individual love and traditional tribal arranged marriage.
The conflict in Lagos
Nnaemeka, a young man of the Ibo tribe, is deeply in love with Nene Atang, a young teacher from Calabar. Nene eagerly asks whether he has written to his father, Okeke, about their engagement. Nnaemeka is hesitant, explaining that in his traditional village parents expect to arrange marriages themselves, and that his father has already chosen a local Ibo girl, Ugoye Nweke, whom he describes as a 'complete dunce' who used to beat up the boys at school.
The traditional father's opposition
Nnaemeka travels to his village in December to seek his father's blessing. Sitting under a Cassia tree, he gently breaks the news, and Okeke is deeply shocked and furious. He asserts that a good wife must have a solid Christian background and good character, and that love is irrelevant, marriage is a family and tribal affair, not a private one. When he learns that Nene is a teacher, Okeke becomes even more outraged, quoting St. Paul's letter to the Corinthians that 'no Christian woman should teach'.
Eight years of silence
Okeke stubbornly refuses to bless the marriage, telling his son 'I shall never see her', and cuts off all communication. When Nnaemeka sends a copy of their wedding picture, Okeke cruelly cuts Nene's face out of the photograph and returns the mutilated picture. For eight long years he maintains a cold, stubborn silence, refusing to let Nnaemeka spend his leave in his house.
The softening power of grandchildren
In Lagos, Nnaemeka and Nene live a happy, prosperous life and have two young sons. One day Nene writes a moving letter to Okeke, telling him that their sons have discovered they have a grandfather and are crying to meet him, and begging him to let Nnaemeka bring the children to the village for a short visit.
On reading the letter, Okeke's iron resolution completely crumbles. He leans against his window as a sudden, dark storm gathers, bringing heavy rain, and imagines his two grandsons standing cold, sad and abandoned in the storm, shut out of his home. That night he cannot sleep, filled with deep remorse and a vague fear that he might die before making peace with them.