Deep Water
by William Douglas
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An excerpt from 'Of Men and Mountains', this autobiographical account describes how William Douglas overcame a deep-rooted fear of water. His aversion began at three or four when waves knocked him down at a California beach. At about ten or eleven, at the Y.M.C.A. pool in Yakima, a big bully tossed him into the deep end; Douglas nearly drowned, sinking three times and experiencing sheer terror before being rescued. The fear haunted him for years and spoiled his fishing, boating and swimming. Determined to conquer it, he hired an instructor who, over months, built him 'piece by piece' into a swimmer using a rope-and-pulley, breathing and kicking exercises. To make sure the terror was truly gone, Douglas swam alone across lakes, finally conquering his fear at Warm Lake. He draws a larger meaning: 'In death there is peace. There is terror only in the fear of death', echoing Roosevelt's 'All we have to fear is fear itself.'
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The essay is a first-person account of fear and its conquest. Douglas uses his personal near-drowning to explore how fear paralyses us and how it can be overcome through determination, method and courage.
The roots of fear
Douglas's aversion to water began at three or four when, at a California beach, waves knocked him down and buried him, terrifying him. He decided to learn to swim at the safe Y.M.C.A. pool at Yakima because the Yakima River was treacherous, and used water wings while gathering confidence.
The misadventure
One day a big, muscular boy of about eighteen tossed Douglas into the nine-foot deep end. His plan to spring up from the bottom failed; he came up slowly, panicked, and sank three times, each time overcome by 'sheer, stark terror.' On the third descent all effort ceased and he crossed to oblivion, 'the curtain of life fell', until he was rescued and revived, vomiting by the poolside.
Years of haunting fear
The experience left a haunting fear that stayed for years and ruined his fishing, canoeing, boating and swimming trips. Whenever he entered the waters of the Cascades, Tieton, Bumping River or Warm Lake, the old terror would grip him, his legs would freeze and icy horror would seize his heart.
Conquering the fear
Determined to overcome it, Douglas hired an instructor who used a rope, belt and pulley to guide him back and forth across the pool for months, teaching him to exhale under water, inhale, and kick. Piece by piece the instructor 'built a swimmer.' To be certain the terror was gone, Douglas swam alone across Lake Wentworth and finally dived into Warm Lake, swimming across and back. He shouted with joy, 'I had conquered my fear of water', and drew the deeper truth that the only real terror is the fear of death itself.